1.8.08

Pretty Vacant : anti-social media redux [file under: anamorphic panic flux]



TROLLING ? menippean satire ? the put on ? grammatico-rhetorical (ie. poetic/dramaturgical/sociological) exploration of media/internet? CULTURE JAMMING ? the new punk rock ?

MALWEBOLENCE

Technology, apparently, does more than harness the wisdom of the crowd. It can intensify its hatred as well.

But while technology reduces the social barriers that keep us from bedeviling strangers, it does not explain the initial trolling impulse. This seems to spring from something ugly — a destructive human urge that many feel but few act upon, the ambient misanthropy that’s a frequent ingredient of art, politics and, most of all, jokes. There’s a lot of hate out there, and a lot to hate as well.

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The only thing that I’m sad wasn’t covered is the one troll ethic: you’ll never see us go after someone who has their act together. If they say or do intelligent, clever, witty, insightful things, we’ll be the first to cheer and shower them with praise. We love smart people.

But God help you if you’re a drama queen who complains about having a broken back that’s prevented you from seeing the world in one blog post and the next day posts an ugly naked arched-back-on-a-jungle-gym photo talking about how worldly you are. You are batnuts crazy, and we’re going to troll you break.

All that having been said, there are only two ways to deal with a troll:

1. Don’t reply. Don’t privately address him. Don’t acknowledge his comments. Don’t even make a passing reference in another blog post. Just pretend the troll doesn’t exist. This gets rid of 90% of the trolls out there instantly. Then, if you’re smart, shut up and quit blogging for a few days and logically re-evaluate the post that set the troll off. Chances are, there is a glaring flaw in your post that makes you look like an idiot or a nutjob, and that’s why you got trolled. Don’t post again until you’re ready to amend it or defend it with better logic.

2. With the other 10% of trolls, you have to play the game. For every insult you receive from a troll, play along and join in the joke. If someone tells you’re fat (because you probably are), don’t get offended and rant. Just reply with a photo of a whale and say, “You mad skippy I’m fat! I would say this photo is me, but that wouldn’t be fair. The whale isn’t that big.” If you can successfully take yourself and the insults less seriously, you will win the good graces of the troll and he’ll either go away, or he’ll chill out, knock off the insults, and you’ll have made a new online friend. And trust me, it’s good to have a troll for a friend.

Of course, now that I’ve revealed this, no troll is going to let up because you’ve all been warned and can no longer claim ignorance as an excuse. So, your only recourse is to just not be stupid and/or batnuts crazy on the Internets. If you can do that, everything will be just fine. However, just so I can be absolutely clear about this: if you escalate a war of words with a troll, you WILL lose. We know all the tricks. We have access to all the resources. We know all the laws. We’re all friends with each other. We have done this thousands of times.

Yeah, we’re total jerks. And we don’t care.
- rfjason
— Posted by Jason Fortuny

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Pretty Vacant
There's no point in asking
you'll get no reply.
Oh just remember a don't decide
I got no reason it's all too much
You'll always find us
out to lunch

Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty
we're vacant
Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty
a-vacant

Don't ask us to attend
'cos we're not all there.
Oh don't pretend 'cos I don't care
I don't believe illusions 'cos too much is real
So stop your cheap comment
'cos we know what we feel

Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty
we're vacant
Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty
a-vacant

Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty
Ah but now
and we don't care

There's no point... (etc.)

Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty
we're vacant

Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty
a-vacant

Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty
Ah but now
and we don't care